Starting over in a new country, especially at 40, can be exciting or frustrating.
For me, it has been a bit of both.
I recently relocated to the United States of America and the last year has been a whirlwind. There are days I feel upbeat about the immense potential that moving here holds, and there are the pallid days that I look back to the fulfilling career I left behind and wonder why we can’t have it all in this adult world of give and take. On those days, I seek comfort in the wisdom of my decision to relocate to be with my family after 7 years of estrangement and take succor in my wife’s smile and my children’s constant jokes that light up my nights.
In coming to terms with my present circumstances I’m learning a few things.
First, is that I have to be grateful.
Considering my legitimate route to entry to the United States, my pain story is nowhere near as dramatic as that of those who snuck in and live in perpetual night, always hiding away from the light. Those for whom the system is a constant, ticking timer, counting down to their avulsion from this society as they struggle to distill their entire identity into eight numbers and two hyphens.
The second is not to take my starting over literally.
I’m learning that seeing the process as a transition rather than a reset can go a long way in defining how I embrace this change and the many opportunities that will come with it.
That said, here is a list of six things I’ve found instructive as a guide in this foreign land.
Be open to embracing new experiences, cultures, and ways of life. Be confident in the value of your imported skills while you acknowledge that you might need to adapt those skills to the unique way of doing things in your new location. Stay positive, knowing that a fresh start, allows you to recraft your story in new exciting ways, and reinvent yourself to pursue new opportunities. A constant affirmation on my gloomy days is:
No one knows me here. I am who I tell people I am. I hold the power to tell my story. I can be anything that I want to be.
Starting over offers a bold new opportunity to create a compelling narrative about who you are and where you are going.
Be Patient. Building a new life takes time and effort and the pressure of anticipation could be both rewarding and crushing. Be patient with yourself as you adjust to the changes and navigate through any obstacles that may arise. Stay persistent in pursuing your goals and dreams and in your down moments, erect a mental wall decorated with the trophies of your old victories to remind you that whatever you’re going through will eventually yield to yesterday.
This is easier said than done, especially when you encounter Kafkaesque conundrums you can only find in the bureaucracies of developed countries, or things aren’t just happening as quickly as you planned, or there are too many doors closing and there is not a window in sight.
In all, be kind to yourself. Give your efforts time to grow. Seek information on how your strengths can be amplified and keep moving.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Ifelanwa's Schnewsletter to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.